Somewhere in a gathering place some days ago, I met the beautiful woman again who have become my friend. We have talked about few things and it had appeared to me that she was just fine as she appears to be.
But the fact was that she had never told me her deep heart's feelings, and that was evident on that day when she opened to me a little bit more and poured out her heart's secrets.
As usual we use to meet in a public campus where there are different rooms including private rooms for two on which they share whatever they wanted for each other. Though we had to sign our names for entry it is also a place where suspicious mind peeks to the people secretly.
That day she must have sang a song somewhere, about one having secret love, and she told me about that few minutes after we entered the room.
'Who could it be?' I asked her.
She smiled, 'Maybe you think its unluckiness.'
'Would you just say it please, its so a luckiness, who is it, is it?'
Again she smiled, 'Truly nobody but for a woman friend.'
'How unusual it is,' my eyes were wide opened as I continued to ask whether I know her friend or not.
She told me that I would just know her friend as she too have a place in the building, and she was also a widow.
I did not know who she was talking about, so I mentioned names and asked whether they were the one she was talking about.
The replies were 'no,' then she told me her name and explained that she was next to her place.
I was confused and did not get it right, so I end up asking her honestly, 'Or do you both have romantic relationship to each other? They said there are many women and men having same sex relationship these days.'
'Yea, but not us,' she paused as if she was in stress. 'A thing, my friend?' she continued but silence filled the time and space until some words came out, 'The way I am...' This time it seems she was stopping the tears that were trying to pushed out by her deep emotion, 'I so feel nostalgic but I dare not sin, and I've never thought about romantic friend, my mind is so wearisome.'
'I don't mean any offence, do you mean she have a secret romantic friend?' I replied.
She was lying on the bed and I was also doing so, sometimes I took out a cigarette and smoke it as we converse to one another.
Maybe she did not hear about what I was asking clearly as she ended up replying, 'I dare not have a romantic friend, no one would like me, a friend of my husband has told me that everyone would be afraid of you who is a widow.' She confided to me?
I felt some anger at the words or teaching of her husband's friend but replied calmly, 'He was simply saying it. You will find many who liked you and even who wanted to marry you, and also people who would like to spend time with you just like me, huhu,' I laughed a little bit.
'I felt so tight deep inside, I'm not joking okay, I trusted you firmly that I'm just sharing it with you, hope you don't mind it.'
'I don't mind it, and I'm not kidding either. If I were born to get married,' at that moment I recalled Mohammad the self-proclaim prophet of God but not in reality as he was just meeting the Devil, Satan who disguise Himself as Holy Angel and tells him false teaching which was mixed with some truth and commanded him to spread it even by violence, but I continued, 'I would have married some of you,' I laughed. 'Keep on sharing to me dear, loneliness vanished when we have romantic friend or someone to spend time with. I'm telling you what I know.' I know what I'm saying and its true unless we have such a wisdom that loneliness and anything related can't destroy or disturb our self when normal.
'Yea, but sometimes I feel so hard...' she looked away. I know the main reason is because she had lost a husband.
'Open yourselves and you will surely find someone who would want to marry you. Remember what Jesus said, there will be no more marriage, so if you want a husband open up yourself.' I remind her that knowledge because I don't want her to keep hope in hopeless and false teaching that is, the death went to heaven and watched us after they die.
'But if you don't want to or trying not to get into second marriage, keep your faith in God and you will be blessed,' I continued but I wanted to know what's hard she was feeling, then I asked, 'What's hard? Are you still in your husband house, I mean in your husband parent's house?'
'Yes, and they don't allowed me to go home. I feel hard because I'm so alone,' she looked at the floor, 'My husband was their only son.
I felt some heat deep inside, 'You are a human being and I understand you, here let me advice you: we see in the Bible that the wise and those who understand about human beings either seek a husband for their widowed daughter-in-law or let them go home. Since your parents-in-law are not wise, let your parents or kinsfolk tell them that they are taking you back home as you are a human being and that you could want a husband, and let them take you home.... or just tell them that you are going to visit your parents and never go back.'
I wanted to make her understand about what happened after death because I used to see her, according to how I perceived, crying mostly because of the false teaching she was taught. And I also wanted her to understand this life so much that I could not stop myself from speaking, thus I continued, 'We are going to meet up in heaven with the death is just an unproved belief, even if we meet again in the next resurrection we are not going to get married as we do on earth.'
I didn't know whether she would understand what I was saying but I so hope that she understood about it, even if she didn't I hope she would asked me questions.
So, I continued to tell her as there were still many things that I wanted her to know, 'Just because your late husband was their only son there is no law that must keep you in hardship. I know you love him but, beautiful, you can't call him back, neither you can't guarantee that he would be saved and inherit eternal life in the next resurrection nor nobody can guarantee that. Therefore, walk toward the front, fear not I will always be with you as my Father God is always with you.'
I told her that because I clearly know that nobody went to heaven after they die. Everyone, every kind of men no matter priests, lawyers or text collectors, believes that their loved ones got the fortunate destiny or went to heaven and watching them over after they die. Considering such false teaching is true, then who will go and be punished in hell after the Day of Judgment lol. What a deceitful joke it is. The world is truly being deceived in all ways by the Clever Serpent called Satan the Evil.
Maybe she was clear about what I have told her as she ended up asking me other question, 'My friend... tell me, they said she who have lost a husband keep on losing it? So horrific.'
My heart was at heat again but calmly I replied, 'They were simply saying it, its written nowhere. Even in bible, are there no widow but very successful later, was it Ruth also one?'
I felt that she needed a friend and someone who could relieve her from her hardship, so, that night I continued to decide to spend more hours with her without leaving her alone to do some other thing that waited for me.
She did also asked me some other questions and tells me her feelings, like what about my son if I take another husband? I don't have any boyfriend, even if I am to have a romantic friend again I don't know what to do. Would they love my son? Sometimes I thought that I was going to be mentally deranged. There is an end for words with two children of different fathers?
And I end up saying, 'You would take a husband who love your child, and you would also stop yourself from having more children by taking medicine. If you have a job and have income your husband would respect you and would dare not love not your son. It's your life, it's your choice. Here I am, your underanged mind. If your parents-in-law keep you as their only daughter they would surely understands you.'
For the another time, we looked at each other, and that time I had a thought going on my mind, 'she may have kept some secrets which she had not told me. If that was true I could have said words that hurts her,' I thought.
I remember another girl who had confided to me about her feelings and secrets, so maybe this my friend have the same case I thought, thus I told her, 'If there's something on which I miss to know you I'm sorry, do not hesitate to tell me about that okay. I wanted to continue helping you if I can.'
'Of course, I have many things to say,' she replied like an honest and courageous lady.
I was glad on her reply as I turned toward her, 'Keep on saying, your servant listens to you.'
'Next time in a new chapter, okay. If I tell you all now you would not want to talk to me anymore?'
'Come on, try me?' I said but there was silence for few minutes, and things seems to be complicate when she told me, 'I trust you, I was just kidding, I'll go for a check-up understand me for a while.'
She looked as if she can't be stopped, and silently she went away as I told her not to worry, and tried to strengthen her by saying sweet words and also that I'm with her too.
It took two days until she have enough time to spend with me for hours in the room, she was my friend and we used to meet in that room to talk to one another and relieve ourselves, nothing more.
When we meet again in the room, she did not look as usual as she said, 'I wanted to tell you about the love my late husband left for me..'
Remembering our old conversation I could perceive what she tried to mean and I felt some heat in my heart but not against her as I could not agree nor accept the way she tried to deliver her problems which she got from her late husband without choice nor information.
'It's your choice,' I said, 'If you don't want, do not tell me okay.'
'Yes, its not great but understand me okay.'
I replied, 'I understand you, if my thought is right I've known about it. Say it, your servant listens to you.' She did not reply me for couples of minutes and I thought she was stuck in words, so I added, 'It's all your choice my dear, so you don't mean to have a husband again?'
Then she replied, 'I'm not standing in a ground where I could get married,' she was silent for a few second and cried, 'I'm dangerous!'
I understood what she was telling me indirectly and I felt sympathy for her, and the more is on her less understanding or knowledge which gives her more distress, 'Not dangerous, it's because your heart is so good. If you were dangerous, people would die even when they see you. But that does not happen, and that means you are not dangerous or deathly.'
I also told her indirect on how she could find a shoulder to lean on, 'One should find someone alike, if you google search about widower dates or for fever, fever dating site or for loose motion, loose motion dating site everything is available these days.' I hope she understood what I was trying to tell her as I added, 'Just take a step and you will eventually find that it is not that heavy.'
'One thing... my late husband was HIV+, that is why day after yesterday they tested me and they told me I have to take medicine...My...' she appeared that her heart was broken and could not continue her words.
Tracing back all the conversation we have had and the things others have fed her on to believe, I felt some anger to those people and even to her own husband as he had infected her whom he called love. I felt some anger against her too as she thought that the infection she got from her husband was the love he left for her. And my mind was filled with thoughts, 'How the hell could she consider that way, how the hell could she think that her husband loved her? How foolish is she to be deceived, and how foolish is she to have been burdened herself as a faithful widow for her late husband and stop herself from being free as a single woman?'
I tried my best to take her out of the darkness she was sitting and sometimes crawling as I thought she needed a new shoulder to lean on.
Thus, I ended up telling her, 'Yes it is, but even if those people wanted a partner , they seek for it and find it.' Dating sites for such kind are also many, for example
personals.poz.com and
hivpassions.com, etc. I told her one.
'Solution is one of my areas of expertise, I'll find a solution for you,' I said it in my mind. Then, after many days, I asked her that I wanted to make a fictional post inspired by the conversation between me and her, as we continued to meet in the place and talk as we want as good friends. I thank her and blessed her when I got the reply, 'Of course I agreed, if it happens to be a blessing for others it would be grateful.'
But, before that I told her not to disclose it to everyone but to seek a partner on such sites I've mentioned above. While I was saying that I saw that she never looked up to reply nor reply me, then I realize she must have an emotion meltdown when she told me about the result of her blood test and ended it with the word, 'my.' 'What a fool am I?' I said to myself.
And, to help her overcame and came back from her emotional meltdown and make that a temporary emotional breakdown, I continued to talk to her with some regrets, 'We can keep on sharing to each other. Why? Here I'm always for you, to help you in any way I can help. If there are things on which I hurt you, please forgive me.'
Then she looked up with restrained tears beneath her eyes, 'You did not hurt me...life, you know...' I could perceive that its not easy to talk for her at that moment, '...sometimes I wanted to die but I'm afraid...Its so dreadful.'
She also told me, 'I don't want others to be infected from me... and I don't have a desire to get married again... how much I've suffered, you know? He always have another romantic partners and used to spend nights somewhere but I simply bear it.. before he died he was bornagain.' I could see confidence and pain in her eyes, 'I'm happy that you exist, since I can share my heart feelings, I'm vacanted eventually.'
I believed all the thing she had told me including the last words for I'm a human being too and I've began to know how human beings are vacanted by or free from emotional hardship based on experiences.
But I know one thing for sure, and that is, she would be occupied by the same hardship as she is a human being and still living in an imperfect world.
Of course, since we are human beings and living in an imperfect world the same thing that gives us stress used to trouble us again and again, and it will continue to be so because the enemy of mankind is the same Old Serpent known as Satan the Evil, Dragon the Devil.
I know if my friend have a partner she would continually be free from most or main of the emotional hardship including that which she cannot get from just a friendship with or from me to whom she had shared her unwelcomed and unwanted deep and hard feelings.
Therefore, here is the solution for HIV/AIDS infected persons on finding a partner, making friends, partying, etc. more easily than as it is today. This solution will also help much in preventing HIV/AIDS from spreading.
Prevention and Solution Related to HIV+ and Patients
Law against Offensive Practice
Noticing what my friend as in the above story had gone through its good to know that there is a law, and it should be worldwide, against transmission of HIV consciously and intentionally, and that it is a registerable case and punishable offence unless the other person agrees with it.
Anyone knowing someone spreading HIV+ should register a case in order to prevent one's fellow men from infection and wipe out HIV/AIDS from the face of the world. Partner of such kind should not hesitate to register a case against their partner who carelessly spread it too as it concerns lifetime infection because medicine that can cure it is yet not found. Likewise, more laws should be made to prevent other STI from spreading.
This law is necessary to deliver effective prevention programs, if not some infected person would end up spreading the virus/disease without care and love.
For example, how many people would have been infected by the like of my friend's late husband? How sadful and hurtful it is to be HIV/AIDS infected person without choice, we have perceived that in my friend's story.
Therefore, the law is so necessary to bring immediate or fast spreading awareness of HIV/AIDS to the majority if it cannot reach all, and also necessary to stop infected person who are careless or having bad intentions for his/her own fellow men.
Yet discriminating, bullying and defaming infected person should not be lawful, there should also be a law that criminalize people practicing and involved in such evil deeds which is sometimes (according to its intensity) equivalent to spreading HIV/AIDS and STI. It would take full page to complete writing on this law.
To prevent such evil acts, the uninfected people should also be well educate on do's and don'ts.
Help and Save POZ and Prevent HIV/AIDS
As we all know everyone need someone, and also the nearer the better, infected person do also need someone to lean on to. In fact, mostly their need for someone is more than those uninfected as infected persons were already attacked by virus which is for the rest of their life unless a cure for it is found, and it is easy to be depressed easily for such kind of men. But it would be hard for them to find among people who are yet uninfected. We can perceive that if we have experiences like that or are in times of hardship or sickness.
For some good people like my friend who don't want to infect others, it would also be more hard to find someone who is not alike and willing to be at risk or something like that. I really admire my friend and also other people like her. For I know, it is an endless wisdom and love when one wants not and keep not others at risk, including to HIV infection.
But there is nothing to worry about, there is always a way and also a better way. It is also better to find someone alike in all ways.
Therefore, as there are support groups or organizations that deals on subject related to HIV/AIDS in most cities and towns there should also be an organization or one, if not all, of the existing organization in all cities and towns that collects together the details of infected persons from every clinic, hospital, organization, yes from anywhere possible. Then the concerning organization should contact them up, advocates and counsels them on having someone alike as partner for a good reason that is stopping transmission of HIV/AIDS in all ways, and introduced them to other infected persons and act as a voluntary dating and marriage medium.
How many POZ would be saved and benefited from this undertaking, no one knows unless it is undertaken. How many POZ would there be in a city and town that roams around looking for hope or miracles, or sat at home knowing not what to do, no one knows unless organization for help and save POZ and prevent HIV/AIDS in all ways is undertaken. Or if this is not undertaken how many people who could be saved would be infected within few years. I got some news that HIV/AIDS is spreading fast, and I don't disbelieve that, so I wish the above ways for prevention be considered seriously and undertaken by WHO, Governments and also NGO's and individuals including the infected persons.
That organization should also organize weekly or monthly gathering/parties and other recreational meetings and activities to enhance the life of infect persons as well as a chance to make friends and even meet someone special which one may secretly looked for, so that they can continue see and experience life as it should be.
It would also be great if the organization make a free worldwide meeting/dating site for all, based on the personal detail they collect, and invite each one of that. That way, one can find someone he liked somewhere else if one do not find in the city, town or village one lived.
Such things would greatly help in prevention of HIV/AIDS, not only that but it would also greatly help infected persons from boredom, loneliness, hopelessness, tiredness of life, etc. and also prevents them from the possibility of committing suicide and any other negative actions that can come out from loneliness, hopelessness, tiredness of life, etc.
If there are some people who would like to continue to be single, then love God and obey His Commandments, that way you would not be single for nothing. That's the best way to be single, as it is also for couples, to love God and obey Him that means keeping
His Law of Love.
Save A Child, Save the World
I wonder what a great love uninfected people (including Doctors, Researchers, World Health Organization, etc.), who are working for the prevention of HIV and infected people have. Its because of them that we came to know, according to information on wikipedia, HIV can be infected through
sexual contact,exposure to infected body fluids or tissues, and from mother to child during pregnancy, delivery, or breastfeeding (known as vertical transmission). There is no risk of acquiring HIV if exposed to feces, nasal secretions, saliva, sputum, sweat, tears, urine, or vomit unless these are contaminated with blood.
I believe most people know about that and also how to prevent from it compared to the past few decades. If the world and the infected persons really wants to free the world from it the following must be passed.
As much as the dedication and love uninfected workers gives for the protection of HIV/AIDS and support infected persons, the infected people should have and give it too, even more than that because the responsibility to free the world from HIV/AIDS is greater in the hands of the infected people. Therefore, one of the most important thing for infected couples is not to conceive and have children. If we really want the world to be free from HIV/AIDS that's how it must start, no risk when we can avoid. That is love not only for the world but for the unborn children.
It is an endless wisdom and love to be able to perceive how thoughtless and cruel it is to have a child just because of one desires without any second thought for the child. It is foolishness and an absence of love when one decide to risk and have a baby without any care for the baby's life as he/she could be infected from before or after birth though modern knowledge can reduce rates of transmission.
Therefore, infected parents should be wise and full of love enough before they decide for themselves.
Its better to love the unborn child and make him face not life which parents themselves feels difficult to face, experience and tries to go through with the infection and the challenges (like stress, unwelcomed and unwanted emotions) it gives.
Anyway, if they want a child they can adopt one who need love. That's a great love, a great work of love.
More than the desire to have a child, the desire to save a child should be greater. More than the desire to live in the world, the desire to save the world should be greater.
More than desire, love should be greater. More than selfishness/self-love, love for the world should be greater.
If that is so, couples would end up using contraceptives or preventing pregnancy
and not keep their child in risk. That is love, a love for unborn child and also the world. If not, there is no point at all.
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34. Why was the Great of Greats Mother a Widow?
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